Read on for the story of a Dave Sunderland – in his own words a “Nuffy B-Grader” recently shot 45pts off his 17 handicap…
It was a beautiful Saturday (12/6) morning, waking slowly after a small ‘rubbidy-dub’ session Friday night.
Because I am aware of my shortcomings – I have placed all my clothes on the dining table, ready to go, and weapons of choice already in the car. Matching shirt, shorts, socks, hat, sunglasses and ‘lucky’ underwear (lucky if I wear any).
Wow, it’s 5:55 – time to leave, pick up Barry on the way to get to the golf club for the morning session. I fire up the bat mobile and soon stop at the Twinnies shops to pick up Barry. I do the old brake, then move as he approaches the door thing – he gives up after 5 times and 100m. Baz jumps in the car, mumbles something about me being late and we commence to have a conversation about how lucky we are, and how good Denise is.
We pull up at the pedestrian crossing at Royal Mt Coolum, so Barry can get out – he has a small traffic jam forming behind as he spins me another story – I tell him to “knick off”, he does so I can go and park.
A cool westerly is blowing down the course as I wander to the Pro Shop to scan in and pay my fees. At 0620, Steve has a line up of …oh, I reckon 50 blokes as he struggles with the till, eftpos machine and basic mathematics, all the while selling clubs, balls, hats and other paraphernalia that people shouldn’t leave to the morning of the game. I get to the front of the line, sarcastically mention that he’s doing a great job, he takes my money then informs me that none of my 4-ball are playing (I had my son Kyle over last night and he didn’t tell me he pulled out – what the …). Steve asked me if I mind playing with Pete Madden’s group.
“Mind?” I said – “it would be my pleasure!” They are head and shoulders better blokes than my ‘normal’ foursome. So it’s up to the tee early – no warming up for this 56 year old glamourous specimen – 95kg(?) of six feet of twisted steel and sex appeal – that took about 30 seconds to bend over and place the tee in the ground, straighten up, grab a ball from my pocket, take another 20 seconds to bend down and place the ball on the tee. I have two practice swings and address the ball. Then someone from the first tee gallery yells out “And that was still quicker than the time it takes Kurt to hit the ball after he addresses it!” The Kurt-knowing crowd laughs long and loud as the anticipation rises for me to smash my ball down the guts to 90 metres out.
I address the ball, slowly take the club back, eyes on the ball, then power down with a swing that would make Fred Couples jealous – THWACK! The round is underway!
Not what I had hoped. The ball came to rest 150m out on the 18th fairway after the ‘power fade’ takes a line to the right, but high enough to get over the trees. I’ve got a look at the flag! I walk up, pull out a 7 iron, same slow deliberate swing, same power down, but this time pull the ball pin high left, but in the left trees, I draw a pitching wedge to the fringe, 8 iron chip to 1 foot, one putt bogie. Whew – that could have been anything!
Now, I could describe every shot as ‘Couples-like’, and every putt as ‘Tigeresque’ but that would be a lie. The following is a quick precis of the remaining holes on the first nine:
2. Driver off the toe again – into the trees – and into the drink … no it’s back in the fairway again! Lucky!! 8 iron pulled again into the trees on the left, sculled a sand wedge over the green, pitching wedge to 15 feet – I putt – bogie.
3. Driver long, long down the guts. 9 iron to 8 feet, pin high right, 1 putt birdie (cue flapping arms and bird sounds)
4. Rescue to left corner – drop from path, rescue to 105m, pitcher (into the wind) to 30 feet on the rear fringe of the green, putter from fringe to 12 inches, 1 putt par.
5. Rescue to front of green, 8 iron chip to 6 inches one putt par.
6. Long Drive down the guts, 7 iron to 100m, 50 degree to 3 feet, pin high right, one putt birdie (cue dance and sounds again)
7. Drive down guts, sand wedge to 4 feet, pin high right, one putt birdie (haven’t danced so much since the disco days, voice getting horse from bird noises)
8. 9 iron short and right, duffed chip to about 15 feet, one putt par. Wow.
9. Decent drive down the guts into breeze, 5 iron in – short right, run an 8 iron too far past, 20’ downhill putt rims hole to 2 feet, tap in bogie.
27 Stableford Points! 36 off the stick! 10 putts – Sucked in A-Graders – that was easy!
After counting and confirming with Pete, my marker – I proceeded to play pretty average back nine with one par, 3 one-pointers, 4 bogies and another birdie on 15, culminating in a 44 stroke, 18 point back nine.
I would like to thank Pete Madden, Pete Hopgood and Terry Swindells for their company and encouragement. At one time Pete even walked up and said quietly “What’s going on here Dave?” I said, “I don’t know but let’s fill our boots while we can!”.
If I had played with my other foursome – after the birdie on 3, there would have been plenty of comments about my putting, if I breathe in or out during my swing, dropping of flags while in my putting stroke and talking while addressing the ball, whereas the 3 wonderful partners could not have been more encouraging or supportive. Thanks to them again.
NOTE: I went into the pro shop to brag to Steve, but lined up at the ‘DisneyLand-like’ sign that said “20 minutes to get to the desk”, so turned away and headed for the bar!
And that, fellow members, is how you par the front nine and have a total of 45 stableford points off 17!
Footnote – I had a week off away on holiday, come back and shot 27 points.
Now, that’s more like it!